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October, 2011

  1. College: The Age of Enlightenment

    October 30, 2011 by jmcarthur

    I learned something incredible today. Did you know that if nothing bad happens, then breaking a rule is justifiable? I am so glad my son is not studying for a career in criminal justice.

    I woke up this morning to get ready to have coffee with a friend at Starbucks. On my way to get a pre-coffee cup of coffee from the kitchen, I happened to glance out the door to the garage. The door was open and my car was gone. Hmmm. The last time I checked, I was the only one home. A quick check downstairs verified that my son was not home from college. I went to check the door into the garage to see if it had been broken into. Nope – it was locked. I looked around the garage for any clues of forced entry, alien abduction, or the rapture. Just then, my cat – my indoors-never-has-been-outdoors cat – brushed against my leg and meowed loudly.

    Oh no.

    I went inside and checked my purse. Both sets of keys were still there. That’s because I had retrieved all sets of car keys and kept them in my bag after my son and his friend took my car without asking, leaving me stranded at home. This was amidst some loud conversation and a very clear directive that no one was to touch my car without asking. As I picked up the phone to call the police to file a stolen car report, I heard the sound of a car pulling in.

    When confronted, my son logically explained that his friend had needed a ride to work so he took him. And why wasn’t I informed. Oh – apparently I was sleeping and they didn’t want to disturb me. And why didn’t they leave a note. Oh – it was an emergency. Oh, well then, that clears it up. I’m sure Chipotle would have been forced to declare bankruptcy if my son’s friend hadn’t shown up to make guacamole.

    WHAT!!!????

    And where was my son’s car? Oh – at the frat house. Why? Ohhhh – because he couldn’t drive home last night after having a few beers. Ok, he gets points there for being smart. I still don’t know how he got home, but at this point, my head hurts too much to ask. Back to the matter at hand.

    How did he drive my car without keys? It seems that he had found the valet key a few weeks back and decided to hang on to it in case of such an “emergency.”

    Imagine how “inappropriate” my “overreaction” was when I proceeded to read the riot act to him (and actually, with great restraint at not raising my voice). “But nothing bad happened. I was home with the car in plenty of time for you to make it to your coffee date.”

    Hmmm. The college years bring such enlightenment to teenagers.

    When do I get to be right again?

    Category Transitioning to College | Tags: ,,,,,,, | No Comments

  2. Meltdown

    October 25, 2011 by jmcarthur

    Overload. That’s what happens when you take too much on. As a freshman, this is too easy to do. I’m telling this to you, because when I told my son, it fell on deaf ears. Now it’s getting close to exam time and I’ve noticed a bit of a change in his personality.

    “How are you, dear”

    “Crappy.”

    “How are classes going.”

    “Crappy.”

    “What’s wrong?”

    “Nothing.”

    Ok then. After some investigating, I discovered the problem. Ok, by investigating, I mean bribing his best friend with fresh-baked brownies. It seems that my son is a bit overwhelmed and doesn’t think he’s going to bring home very good grades for his first semester of college. But he has a plan – he’s not going to bring them home! Yes, I raised a resourceful kid.

    I’m not sure how he plans to hide his grades. Maybe the same way he hid his first girlfriend from me in 8th grade, by not bringing her home. His friends ratted him out back then too.

    He’s majoring in accounting and finance, hoping to graduate with a job as a financial analyst. But, of course, that’s not enough. Since he likes marketing, he’s minoring in that too. Mr. “I can do it” decided to take the maximum number of credit hours his first semester, despite his parents’ advice to the contrary. And because he is industrious and likes cash, he’s working 30 hours a week along with going to school. And pledging a fraternity.

    I’m envisioning the tsunami-like meltdown in the making.

    So what if he flunks all his first semester classes? It’s a shame, after all that hard work he put in his senior year of high school. But as always, he will learn on his own. From infancy, the key to getting him to do something, anything, was to make him think it was his idea. It resulted in a lot of chaos and frustration at times — mostly mine. But once he figured it out on his own, it was a lesson taken to heart. So, I guess this is one of those times I just need to grit my teeth and wait for his realization that he should back off the courseload from now on. I just wish it wasn’t costing me $9,000 a semester for a lesson learned.

    Category Random Road Tripping, Transitioning to College | Tags: ,,, | 1 Comment

  3. Parent or Crime Scene Investigator?

    October 21, 2011 by jmcarthur

    It’s Thursday night. That means my son is home for the weekend. I think.

    He was smart to not schedule classes on Friday. I presume so that would give him more studying time. Yeah, right – like I’m that naïve!!!

    He is working while going to school, so by the time Friday comes, he needs a break. And I think he takes it. I don’t know for sure because he has managed to find a way of sneaking in and out of the house without me detecting his presence. I thought I heard the garage door go up and a car drive in. I come downstairs to say hello, but no one is there. I feel like a crime scene investigator. I go to the basement where he usually hangs out. Nothing is there. Nothing, except a huge bag of laundry. I would check to see if it is his, but I don’t want to poke it in case it’s alive.

    Just the laundry. No son. No note. No idea where he is or if he will be home for dinner. Then I notice – his work hat is missing from the top of his dresser. He must have had to work today. That must be why he ran in and out so quickly.

    I grab the laundry bag and haul it up the stairs to the laundry room. I should leave it for him to do, but, what the heck – I have to do some other laundry anyway, eventually. So I start to load the darks first. There are enough brown t-shirts and blue jeans to fill at least one load, if not two. I notice an odd stain on one of his shirts as I load it in the washer. It looks like – it is – mustard. Stadium mustard to be exact – I know that smell anywhere.

    It’s finally midnight when I hear the car again. This time I don’t stop to put shoes on before racing down the steps to greet my son as he is coming in the kitchen door.

    “Hey Mom, what are you doing up?” he says.

    “I just thought you might be hungry after working so late,” I replied.

    He looks at me quizzically and says, “How did you know I was at work?”

    I reply “Oh, I don’t know. Just a mother’s instinct. And by the way, how was the football game?”

    If only I knew what he was thinking. But then I’d have to be a child psychologist.

    Category Random Road Tripping | Tags: | 2 Comments

  4. 10 Ways to Drive Your Mama Crazy

    October 14, 2011 by jmcarthur

    It’s bad enough that he’s at school and doesn’t call or text. Once in awhile he drops by, just long enough to create havoc. Why God decided to put a child’s coming into independence to correspond with a mother’s onset of menopause is beyond me. Here are just a few things that I’ve noticed send my hormones into a panic.

    1.  Come home just long enough to grab a soda out of the fridge and a clean t-shirt and leave without answering the question “How-are-you-and-how-are-classes-going-and-are-you-getting-along-with-your-roommate?”

    2.  Say “No thanks, I ate at school,” when offered a homemade brownie.

    3.  Announce that instead of becoming a software engineer, you’ve decided to get your degree in General Studies.

    4.  Show up wearing a cardigan and loafers. That you bought yourself.

    5.  Do your own laundry, but before loading the dryer, dump out the contents that include your siblings’ clothing on the floor of the laundry room.

    6.  Leave flyers on the kitchen table from some of the best universities — that are 1,000 miles away. Then act like you didn’t put them there when questioned.

    7.  Ask “what happens when you put a gerbil in the dryer?” and then walk away without another word.

    8.  Answer every question with the word “Sure.”

    9.  Accidentally leave your cell phone on the kitchen table while some girl named “Trixie” incessantly texts you every two minutes.

    10.  Do all of the above, and then just before leaving, grab your mother and give her a big hug, saying “It’s so nice to come home.”

    Category Breaking your mama's heart | Tags: | 1 Comment

  5. Dorm Dilemmas: Why freshmen have to live on campus

    October 13, 2011 by jmcarthur

    My son still hates his dorm. It’s been two months and he’s still scowling at me. But he has a great idea – he will move into a house near campus with a bunch of guys! Ok, let me get this straight. He hates sharing a bathroom. He can’t study with the noise in the dorm. His roommates’ “activities” are unpleasant to him.

    But — he’s willing to move into a house where he has to share a bathroom, where there is bound to be loud music and “activities” with no one to monitor the situation.

    My suggestion that living on campus is a great way to meet people and get involved in campus life was met with “I already have enough friends.”

    My research that found pros and cons to living on versus off campus, and studies showing students who live on campus can have significantly higher grades was met with a scowl.

    My comment of “even the best universities require freshmen to live on campus” and “how bad could it be?” was met with a slamming door.

    Ok, I hate to play this card, but it’s really about economics. It doesn’t take a financial analyst to figure it out. Classes are easier to get to, so there is less car expense and no parking costs.  The campus food plan is much cheaper than buying your own meals and less hassle than grocery shopping and cooking.  Utilities are paid for. The library is right there within walking distance. You don’t need furniture. Or kitchen utensils.

    Ok, face it – I like the idea of a dorm because I know they have a cleaning service and will lock the doors at night! Privacy, space, independence are all great – but not if your toilet needs to be cleaned.

    I don’t think that is going to go over very well either.

     

     

     

     

    Category Transitioning to College | Tags: ,, | 2 Comments

  6. It changes

    October 9, 2011 by jmcarthur

    “It changes.”

    I’m visiting my niece and her son in Seattle. I’ve just watched my grand-nephew throw the mother of all temper tantrums. In public, of course. My niece is exhausted. She’s got that look on her face — the one I remember seeing in the mirror — that says “what happened to my life?” Being the older one, the sage, the wiser one, it is my place to impart some calming wisdom to comfort and guide her.

    “It changes.”

    Yep, that’s all I can come up with. So much for being the wise one. This is why I didn’t become an elementary school teacher like my sister.

    But really, what else is there? It doesn’t take a child psychologist to tell you that one phase leads to another. Impossible 4-year-olds become impossible 5-year-olds. And then impossible 6-year olds. And then one day, you wake up and you’ve got a fully grown amazing adult that you’ve raised. And as you’re wistfully thinking about how it was all worth the life changes, the struggles, the tears — as you remember all the good times when your little one was being an angel baby — when you look back over the years with fondness –he throws a big mongo, nasty, you’ve-got-to-be, kidding mother-of-all grown up temper tantrums.

    There is nothing more frustrating than a inconsolable 4-year old –except for an inconsolable 19-year old. And this time, I can’t outrun him, tackle him, or make him stay in his room until he can come out smiling like I used to.

    Ok, who am I kidding? I never could outrun him. But it seemed he tired more quickly then.

     

    Category Random Road Tripping | Tags: ,,, | 5 Comments

  7. What to do with the room?

    October 6, 2011 by jmcarthur

    When I left for college, my mother turned my bedroom into a shrine.  From when I was age 4. I came home for Thanksgiving and she had unearthed all my stuffed animals, my EZ Bake Oven, and my dollhouse. I think she secretly played with my toys when no one was home. My son’s room has been empty for nearly two months now. I remember decorating it when I was expecting. It was a room full of hopes and dreams… Now it’s just a waste of a nice sunny space. Thinking… thinking…

    I could have a new room, without having to move walls or call a contractor. I could turn the bedroom into a fitness room! The treadmill gathering dust in my bedroom would be much more appealing in a dedicated space. Some weights, wall to wall mirrors, and a ballet barre, and I would be on my way to a new svelte me in no time.

    Then again, I have been neglecting my hobbies and crafts. Ok, I know, I know — I don’t do crafts. But maybe I would if I had a whole room filled with readily available supplies. I could buy stacking storage bins. I’d need an easel for my watercolors. Not the ones I would paint – I could rotate the collection I bought at the starving artist sale last year.

    A home library would be splendid. I could finally pursue that online masters degree. Maybe in art! A sleek desk with one of those green and brass bankers’ lamps, mahogany shelves, a comfy chair, and I would be all set.  It could double as a home office for that business I’ve been thinking about starting. I graduated from one of the best journalism schools in the country. I really ought to put that degree to some good use. I could write a novel. A novel about how I miss my son. Bad idea.

    You know, I’ve never liked having the television in the living room. The bedroom would be the perfect size for surround sound. Two rows of track lighting and a dimmer switch and I’d have the perfect home theater.  

    Like my mother, I just couldn’t throw away my son’s toys. After all, the grandchildren would need something to play with. There will be grandchildren, right? There better not be until he gets that degree and a good paying job, travels Europe and makes his first million. Ok, bad idea. Nix the playroom.

    An upstairs laundry room would save me so much walking up and down stairs. Laundry supplies go in the closet. I’d have a reason to buy one of those ultra-modern washer/dryer combinations. And I could plug it in… nowhere unless I hired an electrician. Never mind that idea.

    There must be something I can do with that room that would serve a greater purpose. I could swap rooms just for the extra closet space. Closet space! That’s it! I’ll turn his room into one gigantic closet and dressing room! Think of the shoes! Think of the neatly stacked sweaters and racks of blouses.   I think I picked up a business card from one of those closet organizing companies at the last Home & Garden Show…

    Category Left behind | Tags: ,, | 18 Comments

  8. Driving me crazy – yes, it’s a short trip

    October 1, 2011 by jmcarthur

    A month before classes started, I asked my son if he had taken care of his parking arrangements. He was quite upset that, as a freshman, he was not allowed to have a car on campus. He could park it at the college stadium some 2 miles from the main campus. A shuttle bus runs around the clock shuttling students back and forth. So a stadium pass it would be.

    I thought it was odd that his brother had his car so much of the time. My son had never been that generous with his belongings, especially his car. I also noticed son #2 was getting up much earlier than usual.

    Then one day, he slipped.

    “I have to go get my brother,” he said.

    “Why?” I said.

    “To drive him to class,” was the reply.

    “WHAT…”

    “And then to work.”

    It turns out that my son’s generosity with his car was not without strings. He couldn’t park his car on campus. So the next best thing was having valet service! It’s a 10-15 minute drive from our house to campus, but with the “personal shuttle” making two to three trips per day, miles must have been adding up. So I innocently asked son #2 if he thought that was such a good idea.

    Not so much.

    It turned out that my dear number one son had a deep seated fear – of buses. This is where son #2 gets to be the hero in the story. After our “discussion” about the pros and cons of enabling his phobic brother, I did what all democratic mothers do. I told him to cease and desist immediately. We had not agreed to pay for parking and distance learning.

    Two days later I heard the car in the driveway, but by the time I had come downstairs to the kitchen, there was son #2 standing there, and no car outside. With a smirk he announced that he had spent the day before riding the campus bus. He rode from his brother’s dorm to his classes. And from his classes to the stadium. Then drove the car from the stadium to the shopping center just off campus where they both work.  He had timed the routes so that he could tell his brother exactly what time he had to catch each bus to make it to his next destination on time. Twice.

    I haven’t seen the car much since then. Maybe son #2 should major in logistics and transportation management.  Since he no longer has use of the car, I’m sure there are accredited online colleges for that.

    Category Transitioning to College | Tags: ,,, | 6 Comments