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  1. Dealing with a Local Suicide

    October 2, 2012 by jmcarthur

    The thought of suicide isn’t easy for anyone to deal with, especially when it hits close to home. I have had several family members commit or attempt this over the years, and I actually found the body of a suicidal man behind my house a few years ago. Just this last week now, I heard that the local high school was on lock down because of a gun threat. The cause? An 8th grader at the junior high shooting himself in school.

    In lieu of revealing my location, here’s the article that highlights the incident: Student commits suicide in hallway at junior high school. The article states that none of the students in the area knew what was going on, and they thought someone else had been shot. When I originally heard the story though (from someone with a child there at the school), I learned that he killed himself in front of the girl he liked and that he was in fact a victim of bullying. The news may state otherwise, but I think that’s just a ploy to protect the school’s reputation.

    Now the question is, how do I deal with something like that? How should you deal with something similar that happens in your town? The truth is, there’s nothing you really can do. I have used this as an opportunity to talk to my younger brother about bullying because he recently got in trouble for hitting a kid in the mouth. In the episode with the man behind my house, I used it as an opportunity to secure my home better and truly get to know my neighbors. You can be sad about the situation and learn from it at the same time. That’s what I’m trying to do.

    If you or someone you know has a problem with suicidal thoughts, seek help right away. The Suicide Prevention Lifeline is always there to talk through your problems. With a little support, you should be able to make it out of whatever situation you’re in.


  2. Finding the Silver Lining in Life

    August 25, 2012 by jmcarthur

    I am a naturally lucky person. Even when I do something totally wrong, it always seems to work out in the end. My husband, on the other hand, has the worst luck in the world. Over the last four years of our marriage, I have unfortunately acquired some of his bad luck. This has forced me to become more optimistic than I already am about life and the future. If you have found yourself in a crappy situation with no apparent way out, you need to be able to look at the silver lining. It’s there, my friend – I promise.

    Finding the silver lining is all a matter of remembering people who have it worse than you. For instance, let’s say you lose your job as a journalist and you have to start freelance writing online. You might be upset about losing a job, but you could be happy that you had a fallback plan that can still pay the bills. This alternative also allows you to spend more time at home, which could help you connect better with your family. When you start looking at the positive side of life, everything turns positive.

    I am not a spiritual person by any stretch of the imagination, but I do believe in some form of karma. If you put good energy into the world, good things will happen to you. This might be a version of the golden rule or perhaps just a naive woman’s view of the world. Whatever the case may be, I think you create your own happiness.

    I realize I’m not going to be changing lives with this little blog post, but I really do want to encourage you to look on the bright side. If you think that life can’t get any worse, think about what would happen if you lost your home, your family, your job, or your ability to live the way you want to. There is always something worse that could happen to you. You just have to be thankful for what you have. Learn to love your life in whatever state it may be, and I guarantee you will see positive changes in the future.


  3. People Are Going to Judge You…Get Over It

    July 13, 2012 by jmcarthur

    A lot of people have this phobia of getting judged, like they’re going to die if people point and laugh at them. I used to be that way until my husband came along. He taught me that other people don’t impact my life for more than a millisecond. Wasting time stressing about their opinions will just take away from moments that I could be spending with my family. If you can realize the same thing in your life, you’ll be much happier in the long run.

    Let’s think about this logically for a moment. Whenever you see a talent show on TV, you probably look at the people with the sob story in a different way than you do the ones with pure talent. Why? Because your judgment of the sob story overrides your assessment of a person’s talent. People thought Britney Spears was talented as all get-out until she shaved her head. Now they think she’s nuts with perhaps a glimmer of talent. You judge others without even noticing it, and they do the same to you. You just have to adjust the way you react to the judgment.

    Easy Ways to Forget about Other People’s Opinions

    • If you see someone blatantly talking about you, stare them down. Don’t look away in shame or fear. Give a look of death that basically says “Bring it bitch.” The more confident you are, the less likely people are to talk about you.
    • If you have a quirk about you that people notice, draw attention to it. If you’re big, show off your titties like the floppy funhouses they are. If you have a big nose, bring it up in a conversation about physical imperfection. Being able to overcome what most people think are flaws will allow you to bypass the hateful stares of others.
    • If someone is being mean to you, be nice to them. Wait, what? Indeed, you can actually do more with unnecessary kindness than you can with vengeful evil. I have gotten people to change their tone countless times over because I basically used my actions to say “I’m better than you.” People don’t know how to react after that.
    • If someone makes a comment without any backup, point out the flaw. Short story: I order a certain sandwich at Subway with the meat and cheese on the side because I like to cut the skin off the meat at home. Weird, I know, but I do it. A lady at the Subway counter once tried to give me a hard time about it, saying, “I have never had someone order a sandwich like that. It’s not even a sandwich at that point.” I politely replied, “Actually, this is the third time you have made it for me, and you complained the first two times too. It’s how I like my food, so please fix it.” Never had problems with her again.

    No matter where you are, whom you are, what you look like, or what you do, people are going to judge you. The sooner you can acknowledge that fact and get past it, the better off you will be. It’s not like you’re going through an FBI interrogation every day. You’re just being looked at. Tell people to screw off and live the life you want to live. You’ll have a much happier existence this way – I promise.


  4. Getting Out of a College Rut

    July 12, 2012 by jmcarthur

    Have you ever been stuck in a rut? Normally it’s no problem. You just make a few changes to shake up your routine and then all is well again. But what if your rut is related to your education and your career choice? Then there might be problems. Most college freshmen change their majors a few times, and many times people make career changes. The problem is when you lose your drive to finish your degree, or decide you don’t want a degree in your area of study after all.

    Don’t worry. There are steps you can take to either get out of this rut and get back on track, or to change your course so you feel good about things again.

    Identify the Cause

    Are you in a rut over your major? Your job? Where you live? Whatever it is, figure out what is causing you to feel stuck. Maybe you just need to move across town, or maybe you should reconsider your major. Sometimes the cause isn’t so obvious, and you might have to do some digging. Don’t be afraid to experiment a little to find out what it is you need to change.

    Reassess Your Goals

    Now that you know what is causing your rut, reconsider your goals. Are you working toward your masters degree online? Is this what you really want to be doing? It’s important to realize what your goals are, and if you are or aren’t achieving them. If you aren’t, decide if it is because of a lack of interest or some other interference. Maybe your goals have changed, and that’s okay. Either recommit yourself to your current goals, or set some new goals.

    Find Your Passion

    It’s hard to achieve goals if you aren’t passionate about them. Life is too short to spend it doing things you don’t enjoy. Make sure your goals will help you do things you are passionate about. For example, maybe you thought you wanted to be a medical assistant, but have since realized that you aren’t passionate about the medical field. If that’s the case, find what you are passionate about and set some goals that will help you do those things.

    Form a Plan

    Everyone needs a plan. Yes, it will change on a yearly, monthly and even daily basis. But, when you don’t have a plan, you lose direction and even desire. No matter how loose or how vague it is, make some kind of plan and write it down. If you want to change careers, write down the steps that you would need to take to do that. For example, you may decide to go back to school or work harder at networking with people in other industries. Your plan could also be less formal, like scheduling in time to develop talents and take a break from working.

    Being stuck in a rut is never fun, and it can even become stressful if it involves your education and your future career. Luckily, a rut is not an end, but a chance to reassess your goals and to alter your path if you need to.

    Alice J. Walker is not your average college students and enjoys writing about anything and everything. She excels at writing about things like user product reviews, college life, and fashion.


  5. Surviving the College Application Process

    May 12, 2012 by jmcarthur

    Applying for college is not only stressful, but it is very time consuming. If you are a high school senior, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Deciding where to go to school probably seems like a life or death situation right now. But, I promise, it’s not. Sending in college applications is something you need to take seriously, but it isn’t something you should let overwhelm you.

    Things like what you want to major in, where you want to go to school and what kind of career you want after you graduate are all things you should keep in mind during the application process. There really is no right or wrong way to decide where to attend college, or which school you should enroll in. It’s all about deciding what you want, and what is the best option for you.

    Choose an Area of Study

    Most college freshmen change their major at least once, and that’s OK! There is nothing wrong with trying new things and changing your mind as you decide what kind of career you want to pursue. In fact, college is the ideal time to make these kinds of discoveries. If you wait until you have already graduated, it will be much harder to shift your career, but if you find something you love while you are in college, you’ll have a much better chance of starting your career with a job you enjoy.

    As you narrow down your list of potential colleges, see what kinds of degrees each has to offer. You don’t have to pick your specific degree now, but knowing what your interests are should help you choose a school. For example, if you know you want to pursue a career in the fashion industry, you should consider an art or fashion school. Even if you aren’t sure if you want to learn how to learn how to become a fashion designer or a fashion merchandiser, you’ll be headed in the right direction.

    Choose a Learning Style

    Today, many students choose to earn their college degree online. They enjoy the flexibility these programs offer, and the ability to take classes at their own pace. When you enroll in online classes, you can work on your degree whenever it is most convenient for you, and wherever you are. In most cases, you don’t even have to live near the college you are enrolled in.

    However, just as many students decide to attend school on campus. This more traditional style of learning lets you attend classes in person, work with classmates and speak to professors and tutors face-to-face, rather than online. Both of these learning styles have benefits, and both can help you earn the degree you need to prepare for your future. Deciding which is right for you is all a matter of personal opinion and individual circumstances.

    As you graduate from high school, and begin the process of deciding where to attend college, remember that it’s not possible to make a “wrong” choice. Earning your degree and starting your career is an exciting process that is all about deciding what you want out of life.


  6. The One Way Road Trip

    April 22, 2012 by jmcarthur

    There have been so many times when I’ve been sitting here wishing I could just pack everything up and move somewhere else. Maybe even as far as southern California (I live in New York now). But, alas, I cannot. I’m fortunate enough to be able to do my work from anywhere in the world with an internet connection, but I couldn’t afford to leave my house and pay for living accommodations elsewhere. Still, I know there are plenty of you out there who are itching to leave and in a great position to do so. So, here are some things to consider getting order before you leave. It’ll make the transition that much smoother. Trust me, I can’t do it myself, but I spend an awful lot of time thinking about it.

    1. Land a job. If you don’t work from home and you’re not independently wealthy, you’re going to need a steady source of income in your new city. Start reaching out to potential employers and setup phone interviews. If things progress to the next level, you can always plan a short trip out there for a face-to-face meeting. If you don’t have enough time to land a job, at least go where the jobs are. If you’re a software engineer, you’d probably be safer going to silicon valley than to
    2. Find a place to live. In a pinch, you can live at an extended stay hotel for a few weeks while you find a new home, but it’s usually best to have these things secured ahead of time. At the very least, it’ll give you peace of mind.
    3. Beef up your savings. Especially if you’re moving to a completely new place where you don’t know anyone, you’re going to need a good sum of money to back you up in case of emergency. Even if you have friends there, it’s wise to be financially secure before a big move like this.
    4. Start cleaning out your closet (and everything else). You don’t a bunch of stuff weighing you down, do you? Start weeding out the stuff that you don’t really need to take with you and send it off to a thrift store, charity, or have a garage sale.


  7. Getting Over a Breakup with a Playlist

    April 15, 2012 by jmcarthur

    I don’t know about you, but I’ve been hearing about a lot of breakups and divorces lately. It’s pretty depressing stuff. I’m talking about couples who have been together for 20 years and just decide to call it quits. It’s like bad news is all around. But every cloud has a silver lining, right? Not only do all of those people get to start a new chapter of their lives with fresh enthusiasm, but they also get to get over their sadness with some amazing breakup songs.

    At times like these when the world seems to have taken a turn for the sad, our silver lining comes in the form of amazing new breakup songs. Think: anything by Adele. But it’s not just Adele, there are some great songs that are inspirational and motivational, but they have obviously been built on a great heartache.

    So, in honor of all of anyone who is going through a rough breakup right now, I’ve assembled a playlist of my favorite breakup songs (old and new) to help you get over that lost love and get on with your life. And what better way to start a new chapter in your life than to travel cross-country with some good songs and great friends. Time for another road trip!

    Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri (my personal favorite)

    Rehab by Rihanna

    Somebody That I Used to Know by Gotye

    Tattoo by Jordan Sparks

    King of Anything by Sarah Bareilles

    Maneater by Nelly Furtado

    You’ll Think of Me by Keith Urban

    So What by Pink

    Irreplaceable by Beyonce

    I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor

    What Doesn’t Kill You by Kelly Clarkson

    Rolling in the Deep by Adele (how could I leave this one out?)

    Hit Em Up Style by Blu Cantrell

    Fighter by Christina Aguilera

    What Goes Around by Justin Timberlake

    Used to Love U by John Legend

    So Sick by Ne Yo

    Burn by Usher


  8. Tips for Taking Fido on the Road

    April 7, 2012 by jmcarthur

    Have you ever gone on a road trip with a four-legged friend? It’s not as much fun as you might think, I’ll tell you that. That’s why you really shouldn’t just decide on a whim to take Fido along. It’s not fair to either of you. But, there are times when it can’t be avoided. Maybe you’re going on vacation and can’t find a dog sitter (and boarding isn’t an option). Or, maybe you’re making a move across country. In that case, taking the dog in car is the safest way to get her there.

    I’ve done this once or twice before, and I wish someone had given me these tips before I went, and so I’ve giving them to you now (you can thank me later):

    1. Know your dog – Does your dog get sick in the car or does he whine the whole way (an indication that he might be uncomfortable)? If so, talk to your vet about using a mild sedative or medication for motion sickness.
    2. Plan your rest stops – It’s always a good idea to plan out your rest stops ahead of time, but with a dog, it’s even more crucial. Stopping on the side of a main road for your dog to do her business is really risky for you both. Find the major rest stops (which usually have large patches of grass off the beaten path) and stop every couple of hours. Even if your dog doesn’t have to go, it’ll be good for him to stretch his legs and release some pent up energy.
    3. Consider getting a doggy car seat for a long ride. This will ensure that your dog will stay put and not try to climb all over everyone (including the driver) during the trip. She may not like it at first, but once she realizes there’s nothing she can do about it, she’ll calm down and enjoy the ride.
    4. Don’t leave your dog in the car for extended periods of time. No, you shouldn’t have a sit-down dinner or get a tattoo when your faithful companion is sitting in the car waiting for you — especially in the summer when the weather is too hot for them to handle.


  9. Creating a Motivational Playlist

    April 1, 2012 by jmcarthur

    Last week, I prepared a list of uplifting and positive songs for a friend who has been going through a hard time. Most of those songs I already had in one of my own playlists, but I had swapped out a few to personalize it for her a little more. That playlist of mine has helped me through one very serious challenge. But, I have to give you a word of caution about this type of playlist. You may not be able to use it ever again.

    When you listen to a certain set of songs over and over to help you through a trauma, and then you stop listening to them for a long time (maybe until you have another trauma) those songs might stir up a little of the heartache they fought so well the first time around. Songs are very intimately tied to our memories, so it’s a good idea to create a new positive playlist to get you through each rough time. Of course, that’s just a suggestion, though.

    Thinking of all this reminded me of another type of playlist that has worked well for me. This one doesn’t have to be refreshed periodically, unless you want it to be. I’m talking about a motivational playlist. Actually, this one often follows the playlist of positivity. It’s used when you’re ready to start making changes and taking control of your life, but you could use a little boost. You don’t even have to reserve it for a road trip. You can use it to motivate you to study when you’re learning how to become a zoologist or a painter. It doesn’t matter what you use it for really, as long as it motivates you to follow your dreams.

    Here are just a few song ideas:

    What You Waiting For? by Gwen Stefani

    The Eye of the Tiger by Survivor

    Tubthumping by Chumbawamba

    We Will Rock You by Queen

    Let it Rock by Kevin Rudolf

    I Believe I Can Fly by R. Kelly

    It’s My Life by Bon Jovi

     


  10. Playlist of Positive Songs

    March 21, 2012 by jmcarthur

    I don’t have any upcoming road trips planned (poor me), but I have a few friends who are taking a small trip. I can’t go because I have a wedding to attend that weekend. I’m sad that I’ll miss out on the good times and bonding, but the wedding should be a good time also.

    Anyway, the reason my friends are taking this trip isn’t because they want to see the sights. It’s because one particular friend has been down in the dumps. Her father passed away about three months ago and she got laid off from her job as a police officer (due to budget cuts) last week. On top of all that, she’s in a distance relationship and she’s not sure it’s going anywhere. She’s pretty depressed and needs some cheering up. So, my friend Mary asked me to help create a positive playlist for the ride. She probably figured I had at least one already done. And she was right!

    I find that music really can help heal your soul, and I always listen to positive songs when I’m feeling down in the dumps. And I’m always amazed at how a few songs can lift me up and make me start feeling (at least a little) optimistic again. But it works the same way with negative songs, so if you’re feeling really down in the dumps, it’s a good idea to control the types of songs you’ll be listening to. Hearing a depressing song when you’re already depressed can really bring you down.

    So, I thought I’d share a few of my favorite positive songs with you today (just some from the playlist) to (maybe) brighten up your day a little:

    1. Natasha Bedingfield: Unwritten
    2. New Radicals: Music in You
    3. Bob Marley: 3 Little Birds
    4. U2: Beautiful Day
    5. Nelly Furtado: I’m Like a Bird
    6. Just Stand Up!: Just Stand Up! (it’s a compilation album)
    7. Destiny’s Child: Survivor
    8. Brandy: Right Here
    9. The Rascals: It’s a Beautiful Morning
    10. Who Says: Selena Gomez
    11. The Climb: Miley Cyrus
    12. K’Naan: Wavin’ the Flag
    13. Zac Brown Band: Toes
    14. Lady Gaga: Born This Way
    15. Jordin Sparks: This is My Now


  11. Road Trip Playlist Ideas

    March 16, 2012 by jmcarthur

    On one of my favorite road trips of all time, I made an awesome playlist that spanned the duration of the drive. To this day, whenever I hear a certain song, it takes me back to the moment it was playing through the car speakers and my friends and I were belting out off-key lyrics. Was it the playlist that made the trip so awesome? I like to think so, but I’m probably not right. Still, it certainly didn’t hurt. Actually, a good friend just found out that she was awarded the Hope Scholarship on the day of our trip, so that definitely lightened the mood.

    So, if you’re planning a road trip soon, consider donning your maestro hat (do maestros wear hats?) and putting together an awesome playlist of your own. Here are a few ideas:

    1. Arrange by year – Start with the 50s (great time in music) and create a different CD (or groupings of songs on an mp3 player) for each decade. You can either mix it up or play them as they were introduced from the 50s all the way until today.
    2. Songs about travel – There are tons of great travel-worthy songs. Life is a Highway and Leaving on a Jet Plane are just two examples of an almost endless supply. Be creative and fill your playlist with songs to celebrate the journey.
    3. Destination songs – This one might be the most challenging, but it’s the most fun (in my opinion). If you’re going to a popular place, like New York, Chicago or Los Angeles, you should be able to fill a few hours with songs about your destination to get you excited to get there.
    4. Songs about going home – Your road trip isn’t final just because you checked out of the hotel. You’ve still got to get back, right? Fill your return trip playlist with songs about going home and missing home. It’ll help shift the mood from being sad about the end of your vacation and happy about seeing friends and family again.


  12. Things Not to Do on Your Next Road Trip

    March 11, 2012 by jmcarthur

    Road trips can be so much fun, but they can also be the downfall of a vacation that would have otherwise been good. A bad time in the car can spiral into arguments that last the entire trip. So, the bottom line is that you should really be on your best behavior.

    Here are some things you should avoid at all costs. When you’re on a road trip, you definitely don’t want to:

    • Give someone a stupid nickname. You might think it’s funny, but it could create tension in the car. Is it really that important to make fun of your friend? Come on, now.
    • Ask probing questions about how your friends feel towards you. Maybe one of your girls has been distant lately and you want to find out why. Just stick that one in your back pocket for now. A road trip isn’t a time to have deep personal conversations.
    • Force people to do things they aren’t comfortable doing. Maybe you want to stop for Thai food and your pal is a boring and picky eater. Don’t just drive to the restaurant and force him to deal with it. Sure, he might end up liking the food, but he also might end up with a stomach ache that will haunt all of you for the rest of the ride. You know the kind.
    • Talk about religion or politics. The only exception to this rule is if you are one thousand percent sure that you all share the same views. Nothing can ruin a good time more than a heated discussion about one of those topics. People can get a little nutty while defending their views. For that matter, don’t bring up any topics that might hit close to home with any of your passengers. Keep the mood light; talk about the weather if you must.


  13. Classic Road Trip Games

    March 4, 2012 by jmcarthur

    I’m not such a big fan of the “99 bottles of beer on the wall” thing (is anyone?), so I like to have a few fun games in my arsenal before I head off on any road trip. This way, when someone starts singing, or telling an in-depth story about their online accounting courses, I can intercept with a “Hey; who wants to play a game?”

    Here are a few classics:

    I Spy – This one is definitely a classic, but it’s hard to play in a moving car. It’s actually best for when you’ve taken a break and are sitting at a rest stop; but, it can also work at a long stop light. To play, one person has to choose a thing and describe it, starting with the phrase “I spy with my little eye.” Then the other players can ask a series of yes or no questions until someone figures it out.

    20 Questions – This one is a lot like I Spy, and it’s another oldie, but goodie. Pretty much everyone knows how to play, and it can be fun with the right group of people. The rules are the same as I Spy, except you don’t have to start with that opening statement, and your topic could be anything (not just something “you spy”), which makes it a little easier to play in a moving vehicle.

    Punch Buggy – I guess this one is a little mean, but it could be fun (if you’re winning). Whenever you see a Volkswagen Beetle, you punch the person sitting next to you and proclaim “Punch Buggy!” Unless you’re with a really rowdy bunch, you should keep the punch to just a little more force than a tap. Also, use common sense. This isn’t a game to play with grandma and grandpa, and you need to take care when you involve the driver. Some people can handle a little tap every so often while others may find it too distracting. Not everyone is completely comfortable driving with distractions, so be sure to ask before “punching” someone in the driver’s seat.